Lost and found

As I woke up this morning, I knew I had to get this out of my chest. Now, don't get me wrong -  it hasn't been something unpleasant to keep in to choke on but I've come to the point where I feel ready to let you know. Cowardly, because I will not name you. (Full of contradictions, you say? Nah well, tough luck!) You will remain "the mysterious one" for the readers because I'm not ready to share you completely. Not just yet.

What inspired this? You visited my night. Yes, you sneaked into my dreams and did what you always do. You gave me strength, you gave me will, you gave me love. I used to dream of you and with you all the time. Now it comes in sparse intervals but Oh boy, is it worth the wait! You make me feel serene, you make me feel peaceful, you make me feel happy (ecstatically!) and you make me feel grateful. For what I've had and for what I have. You make me believe in myself. You make me trust my instincts and believe in my future plans - not that I need much convincing but that little pinch of confidence you have in me takes it to a whole new level. You are a very powerful wizard and I embrace your wizardry with great passion.

I don't know how and why it happened, nor do I know when exactly. Why does anything happen at all, right? It was for a reason, that I am sure of. Who cares what reason it was for! You came into my life little by little and I appreciated you right from the start. You were and still are surrounded by a rainbow of beautiful, vibrant colors. In most people I only see one. But you must be special, I guess. I felt at ease and I felt secure with you in my life. You woke up the joy in my heart, in my mind, in my soul and believe me - I needed it the way we need air to breath. Almost desperately. And then something beautiful happened. You allowed me to love you. And so I did. Freely, happily, deeply, madly, passionately.

As it sometimes happens in life, for yet another "who knows why" reason, we went separate ways. Too soon, too late? Too slowly or too quickly? Does it really matter now? I guess it was not a good timing. And even though it broke my heart into many little pieces, I let you spread your wings and fly away with a smile on my face.

And so yes, I lost you. But I found myself at the same time. Thank you is in order, I believe. You are beautiful (inside and out - yes, the out part matters too!), you are funny, you are intelligent and passionate. You are and always will be somebody very special to me.